Definitions: I’ve said that I consider the definition of a survivor is when you are diagnosed. I believe that to be true, but a survivor is more…because of those who hold them up. A survivor is a bunch of cells…a support system is just that a bunch of cells (people) supporting you as a system, directed by the hand of God.
I was so afraid to lean on people for fear that if I started leaning I would have to be carried, I would stumble, I would fall. I would no longer be strong, but weak…no longer tough. I was scared. Scared to stop, not to die. Scared to stop moving, to stop fighting, to give up, to fail, to not be here for my girls, my friends, my family…to make them worry. Being weak physically, and yes, mentally, sometimes spiritually. You doubt your strength, not God’s. When I knew I was close to my end, that the chemo wasn’t working anymore…the doubt entered. It was then, over 3 months into treatment…I doubted making it. Feared my strength to carry out God’s plan, no matter what it was.
I sat up at night watching sappy movies for a excuse to cry, not wanting to admit to even myself….for I was scared. I never lost my faith, my faith just got misplaced, for I realized in the dark, that I was not alone. I was wrong. I was carried by God, but also by all of those who held me up. By all of those who prayed, by all of those who called, by all of those who sent cards, by all of those who sent food, and by all of those who loved….by those who really did love me through it.
Please watch the video: http://www.cmt.com/videos/martina-mcbride/682633/im-gonna-love-you-through-it.jhtml
I want to dedicate it to all of you…Love you too! I realized the date this week, today, 6 years ago we were told I was malignant….and today this video was released. Katie Couric…..you’re wrong…you’re not lucky…honey we are Blessed!