Originally I posted on a blog to let everyone know how I felt, then it turned into a way to capture moments in the girls lives.  Today I am anxious.  I go to Survivorship.  At five years out I wait for them to tell me the words.  To affirm that I am...well I don't know.  I listen to my body well and I know some levels aren't right, but I believe them to be menapouse.  So what am I wanting them to tell me?  Now that I think about it...nothing. 
Maybe that's it.  They have nothing new to tell, which is a first for me.  At five years I am past the mark of "secondary" cancers from treatment.  I will see a psycologist (required) before my appt.  I'm not concerned, last time she ended up taking notes for other patients.  We did my "button" word (the one that ticks me off) will be as it always is....normal.  I despise the word....I still face times when someone of medical authority says, "Well, that's just not NORMAL."  That usually sets me off with the beginning words, "Excuse me!  Let me tell you..." and Robert smirking and leaning back in his seat...he says he thinks it's hilarious. 
But today....well's as Grindad used to foot in front of the other.  The thing is...Grindad showed by actions, not just words.  While he said one foot in front of the other, he skipped.  A lot can be said about those who have went on before us.  Many, no....none were normal, and those that we remember skipping, smiling, and laughing through life...wether right or wrong all of the time, they LIVED.  So for today, AS FOR ALL OF YOU, I am proud (yes with my townheritage pride) to not be normal.......for WE LIVE.
God Blesses!


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